Releasing Karma: Past life vs. Current life

This still makes me emotional!!!!  As I took a spiritual journey, and regressed into one of my past lifetimes, I was a young girl, about 5 or 6 years of age. I lived on the countryside, on a farm.  My mother was a Caucasian woman with dirty blonde hair and very large eyes. Her eyes were very prominent as if she were on drugs, had a disorder, or an illness of some sort.  I saw two men, but the one I remember wore overalls, a blue and red flannel shirt and he had two braids.  I too wore two braids (corn rolls) in my hair. This man was my father.  He was very light skinned as if he were Caucasian, as well. I remember running through our corn field very scared, running for cover to hide amongst the stock. I sat in a spot filled with dirt as I had on my ballerina outfit.  I wore a baby pink top with a white camisole underneath, and a Lavendar skirt. I could see me surrounded by God’s white light.  I knew that I was a child of innocence and purity.

I sat in this spot, in the field, in the darkness with my arms wrapped around my legs pulling my knees towards my chest, in fear.  All I did was sit there and cry, and sway, cry, and sway.  I had been physically beaten and molested.  My father also did the same thing to my mother...physically beat and molested her.  It was a normal part of our life.  I was my own protector against my father;   my mother was weak physically, mentally and emotionally.  And, she eventually passed away, leaving my father and me behind.

As a child in my current lifetime, I began feeling this negative karmic energy when I began to live with my grandmother, on and off.  She was a wonderful woman, and took very good care of me.  But now, as an adult, I think back and say, and feel that I would’ve done anything, like climb a mountain; anything to get my mother back, but she left me, again, in my past life, and in my current life.

In my past life, I never had protection, I was abused.  I was abandoned, and I was alone.  Ballet was my escape from that issue.  I’d cut my mother out of my life because she left me and was going to leave me; again…that was my mind frame.  In this lifetime, I wanted a connection with my father, but I couldn’t fully let myself.  I held things in because I couldn’t trust anyone, and I didn’t have an outlet.

I began to feel that I didn’t have much of a libido in my current life, or I should say sex was only on my terms.  Because it was taken from me unwillingly in a past life, that karmic energy affected me in my current life, and it made it hard to let go of just “giving it up” when I didn’t want to, because now, I had a say in it!  Wow, karma really did a number on me. I held things in because I couldn’t trust fully.  I always felt when things were too good to be true that they would end soon, because I didn’t experience happiness, joy, beauty, and greatness in that past life.
As I continued journeying into my past life, I couldn’t help but to think that it was nice to see myself surrounded by the white light, but knowing that I was terrified of what went on in my world at that time still breaks my heart, because I know that in this lifetime there are many children and women experiencing this same situation.  Do you see how karma plays out?

I’m so grateful that I was able to face this, release, accept and know that this isn’t a part of my current paradigm ANYMORE.

My spirit guides also told me that this is the reason why I felt a void of not having a child of my own in this lifetime, as of yet.  In my past life, I never knew what unconditional love was, but now, in this lifetime I’m experiencing it.  Therefore, I want to share that unconditional love with my child, and give her the life and childhood that I never had…AN AMAZING ONE!!!
How does your karma relate to my karma?

Love & Light,

J Young