This still makes me emotional!!!! As I took a spiritual journey, and regressed into one of my past lifetimes, I was a young girl, about 5 or 6 years of age. I lived on the countryside, on a farm. My mother was a Caucasian woman with dirty blonde hair and very large eyes. Her eyes were very prominent as if she were on drugs, had a disorder, or an illness of some sort. I saw two men, but the one I remember wore overalls, a blue and red flannel shirt and he had two braids. I too wore two braids (corn rolls) in my hair. This man was my father. He was very light skinned as if he were Caucasian, as well. I remember running through our corn field very scared, running for cover to hide amongst the stock. I sat in a spot filled with dirt as I had on my ballerina outfit. I wore a baby pink top with a white camisole underneath, and a Lavendar skirt. I could see me surrounded by God’s white light. I knew that I was a child of innocence and purity.
I sat in this spot, in the field, in the darkness with my arms wrapped around my legs pulling my knees towards my chest, in fear. All I did was sit there and cry, and sway, cry, and sway. I had been physically beaten and molested. My father also did the same thing to my mother...physically beat and molested her. It was a normal part of our life. I was my own protector against my father; my mother was weak physically, mentally and emotionally. And, she eventually passed away, leaving my father and me behind.
As a child in my current lifetime, I began feeling this negative karmic energy when I began to live with my grandmother, on and off. She was a wonderful woman, and took very good care of me. But now, as an adult, I think back and say, and feel that I would’ve done anything, like climb a mountain; anything to get my mother back, but she left me, again, in my past life, and in my current life.
In my past life, I never had protection, I was abused. I was abandoned, and I was alone. Ballet was my escape from that issue. I’d cut my mother out of my life because she left me and was going to leave me; again…that was my mind frame. In this lifetime, I wanted a connection with my father, but I couldn’t fully let myself. I held things in because I couldn’t trust anyone, and I didn’t have an outlet.
I began to feel that I didn’t have much of a libido in my current life, or I should say sex was only on my terms. Because it was taken from me unwillingly in a past life, that karmic energy affected me in my current life, and it made it hard to let go of just “giving it up” when I didn’t want to, because now, I had a say in it! Wow, karma really did a number on me. I held things in because I couldn’t trust fully. I always felt when things were too good to be true that they would end soon, because I didn’t experience happiness, joy, beauty, and greatness in that past life.
As I continued journeying into my past life, I couldn’t help but to think that it was nice to see myself surrounded by the white light, but knowing that I was terrified of what went on in my world at that time still breaks my heart, because I know that in this lifetime there are many children and women experiencing this same situation. Do you see how karma plays out?
I’m so grateful that I was able to face this, release, accept and know that this isn’t a part of my current paradigm ANYMORE.
My spirit guides also told me that this is the reason why I felt a void of not having a child of my own in this lifetime, as of yet. In my past life, I never knew what unconditional love was, but now, in this lifetime I’m experiencing it. Therefore, I want to share that unconditional love with my child, and give her the life and childhood that I never had…AN AMAZING ONE!!!
How does your karma relate to my karma?
Love & Light,
Get A Free